Sunday, January 20, 2013

It's Been a "Shitty" Few Days, Y'all.

And, I do mean that literally.  
Shitty as in POOP.

The shit started on Friday and has lead into today. Hoping this isn't a preface to the new week.
Still not quite following? Hold on, I'll get to it...

Crap Incident Numero Uno:

It's Friday afternoon. Nap time. I'm cleaning up the house playing on the internet, munching on some raisins, listening to music.. chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool, all shoo... Sorry, couldn't help that.. Back to the story.
I hear Reilly start to whine in his room, so I go to check on him. He's groggy, half-awake, and mumbles something about pee coming out. I pick him up before an accident happens, rush him to the bathroom, pull down his Super Hero underwear and  he just stands there.
"C'mon, Bubba, go pee pee."
He still just stands there, blinking slowly like he's still half-asleep.
I nudge him and tell him to hurry up and go potty so he can lay back down. He looks up at me and says he wants to sit down instead of standing up. I tell him no, that he just needs to hurry up and go standing up, 'cause mommy's free time nap time isn't over yet. Still, he just stands there.
Right as I'm about to pull up his underwear and stick him back in bed, he lets out what I believed to be his introduction-to-peeing fart - I expect to hear pee hitting the toilet water at any second. 
Nothing. 
All of a sudden I catch a whiff of his fart, I thought. But, then, the smell mixed with no peeing and his awkward potty stand-off all start to add up in my Mommy brain.
NO!
I quickly look and....SHIT. Literally. 
As soon as I realized what was happening, it was like the flood gates opened and let's just say, it wasn't solid...

Crap Incident Numero Dos:

It's Saturday morning around 7:30. For anyone that knows my kids, you're aware that that means there's still a good two to three hours before any of them make a peep. (I know, I hit the freaking jackpot on my kids' sleep cycles!) Paisley's crib is in mine and Raymond's room, until she moves up to a toddler bed, at which time she'll finally move in to share a room with Gracie. Anyways..

I heard her moving around, but she didn't start babbling like she does when she's awake, so I figured she was just getting comfortable before drifting off again. I had stayed up fairly late the night before, so I had zero plans on getting up before any of them woke up. I rolled over and quickly drifted back off to sleep.

Two things woke me up approximately 4-6 minutes later.. the smell (every mom knows it) and the sound of her giggling. She had pooped. A LOT. Then proceeded to remove her diaper and play in it. It was in her hair, all over her hands and chest, ALL over her crib bedding.

I swoop her up, get her in the bathtub, scrub her down. Once she's clean and poop-free, I get her out, wrap a towel around her, bring her into my room and lay her on the bed to dry her off (because, you know, the changing table that's right by her crib is much more useful as a storage area for miscellaneous crap rather than an actual changing station). I get her dried off and turn around to grab a diaper off of the changing table. She crawls across the bed, giggling in all her nakedness. I smile and reach for her with "claw hands", making a growling sound that sends her into a fit of laughter as she tries to get away from me. I scoop her up to give her kisses and naked baby cuddles before putting on her diaper. Only, I didn't get that far. As I'm kissing and nuzzling into her neck, her belly laugh causes...you guessed it - the giggle shits.
ON. ME.

The Final Poop Incident that Prompted this Post:

It's Sunday afternoon around 1:15 p.m. My parents had just left after stopping by to visit. I went to lay the kids down for a late nap due to fussiness. I was coming out of Gracelyn's room from giving her a kiss and busted my ass right outside her door. FREAKING DOG PEE. Knocked the wind out of me, hurt the hell out of my butt bone, and got freakin' dog urine all over me...at least, that's all I THOUGHT it got on me. Pissed off, I stormed into the bathroom without cleaning up the mess or even looking at it, ripped my clothes off, and jumped into the shower. After quickly scrubbing down, I opened the curtain, grabbed a towel to wrap my hair in, wrapped another around my body and stepped out.......SHIT.
I guess I didn't see/smell/feel that when I slipped on the pee, the dog also left a big ol' dump that my ass unknowingly smashed right on top of. In my haste to get in the shower, I had taken my clothes off right outside of the tub and the crappy side of my shorts was face up. Nice, right?

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SHIT: I guess some days you just step in it.


XOXO,
Marissa




UPDATE: After talking to my good friend Shawnna over at A Few Miles In Her Shoes , she let me know that she had a 'shitty' few days as well. She even posted about it! Go read about her poop woes, too! Click here. :)

21 comments:

  1. I won't even lie, I NEEDED this. I needed a laugh. Granted, I didn't laugh, I really just felt empathy for you, as I have had similar weekends before. But, it's nice to know you're not alone.

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  2. Oh my gosh! Have we lived the SAME week? I've had my share with shit this week to. Like WAY more than I ever wanted to experience!

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    1. Haha, we might have! Can't wait hear about your shit stories on your blog!!

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  3. Good lord, you've taken a lot f shit this week my love <3 But chin up butter cup..tomorrow is Magic Mike Monday!

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    1. Lol, I definitely have!
      And, Magic Mike Monday can't come soon enough!!! :))

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  4. LOL, oh dear. I would die if this all happened to me.

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    1. Lol, this does not even scratch the surface on some of the crazy things that have happened since I had kids!

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  5. Ha ha ha! Sounds shitty!

    Poop is what sends me over the edge! I can't deal. I will literally and figuratively loose my shit.

    www.mommacandy.com

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    1. Lmao! I've literally had baby shit IN MY MOUTH, Shauna! And didn't vomit - not sure if that's a good thing or not.. Haha.

      Motherhood.. ;)

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    2. I just saw this reply. [snort]

      I'm dying. Lol

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  6. Oh my god Marissa i would have died, but sadly enough to say i think the most of us "mommas" out there have days, weeks or months like this, being a parent can be a rollercoaster ride from hell sometimes....i thinkk after all that mommy needed a nap/time out LOL

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    1. Oh, definitely!! It's a crazy, awesome ride for us Mommas! :)

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  7. Haha, oh my gosh. I am so sorry for your shitty weekend, love. And, by sorry, I mean that I laughed a lot. Lol.

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    1. Lol, thank you! Raymond read this and was like, "This is what blogging is? You just share embarrassing stories that normal people would hide and see how many people laugh at you?!" Haha.

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  8. Kids and dogs...I don't know what I'd do without mine - pee, poop and all. And they make for good blogging, too :)

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    1. YES! They absolutely do. And, with three kids and five dogs..I'm sure I have a lot of good blogging material in my future!!

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  9. I'm sorry your day was literally two times poopy. And I'm sorry for crackin up so hard. I'm reading it to my husband and he's like you ladies are crazy, that's called blogging?! LOL Thanks for breaking me into this blogging world.(: I pray your days ahead are much sweeter!!!

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    1. Lol! That's how my husband is! He thinks blogging is so silly!

      You're so welcome! I can't wait to read & follow your blog!!

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