Thursday, February 21, 2013

My Blog Voice

I've been in a blog funk lately. I wrote a blog last week but it was just... forced, I guess? I felt like I had to write something for my followers to read, but I just wasn't really feeling it. I feel a little bit like that with this post, too.. but I'm just going to keep rambling and hope that it comes out right.

I keep asking myself, Why am I Blogging? What do I hope to get out of it? The truth is, I started blogging just to blog. I wanted to be able to ramble (like now), be myself, and just kinda sorta chronicle whatever is happening in my life. Then, I started and didn't realize what all came along with it. All the rules, the hops, the follower gain/loss, trying to 'sell yourself' to other bloggers and/or readers. It's all exhausting! It's kind of what has kept me away for a bit.

I do want people to read my blog. I want followers. I want people to like me, my blog.

But, I won't pretend to be someone I'm not to get there. I won't change my writing style or constantly write 'crowd pleaser' type posts all the time.

I'm not always funny. I'm not always positive. There are days when I will have a great post that flows from these fingers, that sends all of you into belly laughs or maybe even tears. More often than not, though, this will just be a sort of diary for me. I want to write about my family, our days together - good and bad - our everyday happenings in the Peterson home. My random, all-over-the-place thoughts, my opinions. I do not claim to be a writer, because I'm not. I don't want this blog to be strictly one way or another. I'm going to post what I want, how I want.

I'm well aware that I won't get 'big' by writing like this - but, I swear on a pile of Skittles, I do not give even one ounce of a crap. That's not my intention, and considering how often these funks come along, I don't think I'm cut out to be a 'big' blogger. I just want real followers that can relate to me - and I've found some. I love reading their posts and I hope they feel the same.  

These are just a handful of the amazing women that I've been able to connect with, thanks to blogging:

Your Daily Dose of Damn!
Diapers...or Wine? 
A Grace Full Life 
Momma Candy 
The Insomniac's Dream 

Out of the 100 or so blogs that I follow (and I LOVE 'em all, LOVE LOVE LOVE), these are the women that I've been able to connect with outside of my blogs, whether it be Twitter, FB, etc. And I hope to connect with many more! There's so much beauty in being able to get a real piece of a 'stranger' through their writing, to be able to say, 'hey! I can relate to this!', to feel a sense of community, friendship.

I've said it before, I spent so much of my adult life trying to be someone that I thought everyone would like. I lost myself to the crowd. I won't let that happen again. What's the point in people following, commenting, liking my posts if I'm putting on a front? I want people to like the REAL me. I want to feel all warm and fuzzy when someone tells me that they can relate to what I've written, because I'll know that it's all real, it's all me.

I've made friends, lost friends, drifted away from friends, and repaired some broken friendships in this past year. Surprisingly, I have more friends now, as the real Marissa, than I ever did as the people-pleaser (and-sometimes-fake) Marissa. And, get this, it's not just the quantity, people - the quality is amazing. I have friends now that I love so much, that I trust implicitly, that I can be myself around without fear of judgment or behind-the-back talking.

I started blogging right at the point when all of this new-found 'realness' was at it's peak and I'm so glad that I started.

So, I guess I don't need to really find my 'blog voice', because the only voice I want on here is mine. The real one. And that's what I've given so far.

Just hang in there with me, will ya? Read on through the boring, love me through my funk(s), and anticipate the funny.. I promise it's in here somewhere!


Monday, February 11, 2013

Moving, Monster Trucks, & Why I Need More Maternity Jeans

I feel so out of it. It's been more than a week since I've been on Blogger/Facebook/Twitter for more than five minutes - which, I'm not complaining about that. But, I've never in six years been this busy. I've ignored phone calls and texts from dear friends, not because I don't want to talk, but because I'm either busy when they call/text or because I'm that freaking exhausted that I just don't want to get off my hind end and grab my damn phone.
Not to mention, my body thought it'd be super awesome to kick me while I'm, my uterus decided to tear down her walls while I'm tearing down our home's walls.. Nice.

Update time? I think yes!

We're moving. We've lived in our home since 2007. This is the home that we experienced all of my pregnancies in. This is the home that we brought all of our babies home to. This is the home that all of our children took their first steps in. Every mark on the wall, every scuff on the floor.. they all have stories, memories. And now we're leaving them all behind.

We are happy with this move. It came suddenly, we were heartbroken, but through every tear and prayer, we've stayed strong. And, new opportunities have presented themselves to us - opportunities and blessings that we never would have dreamed of. When we tell people, it sounds like we're lying because it truly does seem too good to be true. But, true it is...

Now comes the OMG, I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT part. Packing and moving is the PITS. I never realized how much crap we had accumulated until I'm going through each room thinking, Why in the hell do we even HAVE this?! And, we not only have to pack up a 3 bedroom, 2 bath home with over six years worth of furniture/toys/clothes/tools/random crap with three kids, but we're moving to a home that is already fully furnished. Fully. Furnished. So, the things that we don't want in the new house have to be packed up and moved to our landlord's storage (by us); we have to pack/move the stuff from our home into the new home; decide what of our things need to be stored and then pack/move those things into storage. Then, after all that is done, we have to deep clean and repair things in our old home and THEN we can finally settle in to our new home.

Good thing is that our new home is on the same road, less than two miles down from our current home. Cool, huh? We have amazing friends and family that have offered to help us. And, this isn't a hurried move - we have the entire month of February to slowly pack/move things between houses. So, it could definitely be worse!

We are ready to take on this new chapter in our lives and take full advantage and give many thanks for the new opportunities we have stumbled upon!

Excuse the blurry picture!

Monster Trucks. Heck freaking YES. This past Saturday was our third year taking the kids to see the Outlaw Nationals in Austin, Tx. We had a blast, like every year. My parents, brother, sister-in-law, nephew and grandparents all went, too. This year, they were going to attempt to do a flip in a Monster Truck. A FLIP, Y'ALL. It was a failed attempt, but still pretty cool to watch a huge truck land upside down.

We got there way too early, though, and Reilly did not find it very entertaining to watch Sgt. Smash drive around the dirt track. He wanted to climb the bleachers, he wanted something to eat, he wanted something to drink, he had to go potty again and this time 'it's really pumming out!', he wanted to ride Sgt. Smash again, he didn't want to sit by Daddy, he wanted Papa, now he wants Daddy again, wait Meme has candy, now he wants her.. And, literally, the SAME deal with Paisley! She didn't want to be held, but then she did. She didn't want her earphones on, she wanted Meme, Meme had to go smoke and she wants to go with her but I won't let her, now she needs her diaper changed... goodness! Gracelyn just kept begging for more food, but nothing like the other two. All in all, though, it was a great time. Truly. I love doing things as a big family and even if it wasn't all perfection, we left there with smiles on everyone's faces and way too much sugar in our bellies.

Maternity Jeans. If you know me in real life, you know I'm not shy about the fact that I still wear maternity jeans. They're comfortable and I like them. Plus, I'm terrified to know what size jean I'm really in. I had babies in '08, '09, & '11, so I pretty much lived in maternity jeans for three years. I started out my pregnancy with my first baby in a size 7 jean. I'm positive that I've WAY more than doubled but not quite tripled that size..and I'd really rather not know. I've been too lazy to do anything about it diet/exercise wise, so it's totally my fault. And, as soon as I get off my ass and do something about it and feel comfortable, I will totally venture out of the maternity section and maybe try on real jeans that button and zip! But, until then.. I need more maternity jeans.

My two pairs of jeans suffered an unfortunate case of chub rub in the thigh area, which finally wore into a hole. Now I'm down to two pairs of black slack-like maternity jeans that I bought while working at the attorney's office, and my gauchos. I've been wearing the black slacks & gauchos for the past two months and have had plenty of opportunities and a generous amount of funds to buy more maternity jeans... I just haven't. I need some jeans, STAT.

Motherhood Maternity, here I come... and if any of the sales girls ask how far along I am, I'll proudly reply, 'She's 18 months old!' :)