Saturday, January 19, 2013

Get to Know the REAL Me.

My story:
I'm Marissa, obviously. I'm a mother to three - two girls, one boy. (Gracelyn is 4, she'll be 5 in April. Reilly is 3, he'll be 4 in June. Paisley is 16 months old.) I'm a wife to a corrections officer, Raymond.

I'm definitely not the Susie Homemaker type. And, I'm almost positive that a Stepford wife would survive 57 seconds in our house before running out screaming.

BUT, I wasn't always like this....
I spent the first three years of my marriage and life as a mother trying to be perfect. All it did was create numerous insecurities within myself when I realized how not perfect I am. I never lied about my life - I was truly TRYING to be perfect. I'd spend hours and hours cleaning every day. Waking up well before my kids woke up, to clean; staying up way past when they went to bed to clean more.  I would change my kids' outfits 3-5 times a day, trying to make sure they were always clean and cute. 
To MySpace and Facebook, I was perfect. Pictures would prove how spotless my house always was, how clean and adorable my children always were. 
But, I was miserable. 
Not with my life, just with myself. 
I have an incredibly loving and supportive husband and I love the life we've created together. 
But, the pressure to always be perfect had me becoming such a neurotic bitch. 
I had friends that were my age who were also wives and mothers - some of them seemed to be perfect without trying. Why couldn't I be like them? They just cleaned their house for two hours; I only cleaned for 45 minutes. They're saving money; we're living paycheck to paycheck. They're getting a new car; now we need a new car. Their baby walked before age 1; mine didn't walk until 13 months - am I a bad mom now?
 It was all a competition in my head. And I was losing. I felt like the worst wife, the worst mother, the worst WOMAN. If I wasn't the absolute best, then in my head, that meant I was the worst. And what was the point in trying at all if I couldn't be number one?

It took me three years to realize that I didn't have to be perfect - that I was stupid, immature, and petty to be competing at all. And, to find out that the moms I was so jealous of weren't perfect either. They were competing just like I was. They were jealous of me for all the things I envied in them. 
I took my newly found knowledge and changed.  
Deep down inside, I dug out the real Marissa. The real Momma. The real wife.

I started over - I gave myself a freaking break. I let the dishes wait. I stopped doing laundry every freakin' day. I let my kids be kids and get dirty without rushing to clean their face for the 17th picture of the hour.
I started to enjoy the day, not try to conquer it.

I'm happier now. My house is sometimes messy. There's often dishes in my sink. I don't think I'll ever have less than one basket of laundry. My kids are still crazy adorable, even with dirt on their faces from playing outside and stains on their shirt from going a little crazy with the ketchup at lunchtime.


I still get stressed out over the house. I still doubt my parenting. I still fear that one day my husband will realize how amazing he is and how not-so-amazing I am and will divorce me. 
I'm insecure. 
Every day, I fight myself in my head, force out the negative thoughts that bounce around daily, and tell myself that I am good enough.
These are things I'm still working on.

Which leads me to....
This is me:

Along with striving to be a perfect mother and wife, I ended up hiding who I really was inside. I tried to be who I thought everyone would like. 
I tried to be the super nice girl. But, I soon became a doormat to assholes in my life.
So, I tried out being the mean girl. I soon realized that didn't feel right either. 
I tried out the prim and proper way, but quickly found that those were two words that would never describe me.

I had to "find myself". Try hard to hone in on who I really was, what I really believed in. 
I discovered that I'm not a cookie-cutter version of anything or anyone. I'm just ME.
I'm not a perfect mom.
But, I'm a damn good one.
My kids think I'm the bomb diggity. Most days.
They're smart and learn new things every day. One day they learned the days of the week in sign language and the next day they learned a string of profanities after Mommy stubbed her toe.
I do believe in spanking. A swat on the hiney keeps my son from acting a total fool and teaches him right from wrong. And, whatdoyaknow, he doesn't hate me and he's a normal kid that laughs and loves.
I love doing crafts with my kids and the proud look on their faces when they've made something on their own is priceless.
Craft time is sometimes a total disaster, though. Like the time I went to wash paint off of my oldest daughter's hands and my youngest daughter grabbed a LARGE container of glitter and dumped it all out - on herself, two dogs, the coffee table, and the living room floor. In under two minutes. I cried for a good five minutes before even attempting to clean it up.
I'm not a perfect wife.
I used to correct him way too much on SO many different things. Now I just let him do things his way - it still gets done, maybe not how I would have done it, but at least I didn't have to do it. 
I took him for granted. I still do, sometimes. But, I make it a point to tell him as much as possible how thankful I am for him. How lucky I feel to be his.
I selfishly make him stay up late some nights. But, we've made more memories at 1 in the morning that we'll cherish forever.
I'm an emotional mess some days and even though I know I'm being a hormonal bitch, it's hard to pull myself out of those moods. I always make sure to "make it up" to him once the mood has passed.
He does a lot more around the house than normal husbands probably do. He also probably gets laid more.
Bargaining with sex is the best tool ever.

I'm not a perfect homemaker.
My floors are sticky a lot. I hate cleaning. (But, I do clean, my house is never "disgusting".) I've learned that I don't mind cleaning as much if I have country music blaring.
I have to re-wash at least one load of clothes per week due to forgetting that I put it in the washing machine and it staying there for more than a day. I also restart the dryer a good three times before forcing myself to just fold/hang up the damn clothes.
Clorox wipes, Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser, and a good-smelling candle are my must-haves.

Why I Started Blogging:

I wanted to showcase the real me. I wanted to have somewhere that I could come and express my opinions, ramble, rant, rave, connect with awesome people and come out of it feeling better, not worse.
This blog is ME. It's my voice. If you talked to me in real life, this is what you would get. There's no front. I type the way I talk. I didn't start this blog to pretend to be something I'm not. I did enough of that in the years past.

When someone visits my blog and reads my posts, I want them to know they're getting a piece of me. The real me. Not the me that I think everyone will like. There's nothing fake happening on this blog. There's no pretty words that aren't backed up by real actions, real feelings.
It's. Just. Me.

The beauty of blogging is that I don't have to care what anyone else is thinking about what I'm writing. Why? Because it's MINE. It's all mine - it's my little clubhouse on the web. 
Don't like it? Don't come here. 
You don't have to be my friend, follow this blog, see any posts if you don't want to. 
No haters allowed!
This is me. Who are you?


  1. You forgot to say that you are n AMAZING friend :) I know we havent been friends for very long but I LOVE YOU! You are amazing! I know that if I need somthing at 3am {even if it is just to look at Matt Bomer pictures} you are there! I know that when you do come over I don't have to worry that my kids are being too loud, or that there is laundry on the couch :) I look forward to being BETTER friends and closer friends oh and our VACATION! WOOT WOOT! I also agree that husbands that do house work get laid more often :) lol and there is NOTHING wrong with bargining that for housework, or getting the kids out of the bath...making dinner and so on :) LOV YOU Marrissssa!

    1. LUCY! Make me cry, why don't ya! :)
      I'm so, so glad that I decided to butt in to yours and Shawnna's conversation that day about bow night! I'm so glad we met and have become such good friends. You are awesome & I've never felt judged by you or anything. I can't wait for our vacation together this summer! Love you, girly! <3

  2. Oh my goodness your honesty is awesome! I actually had a previous blog that revolved around nothing but an "Anti-Supermom" movement and encouraging mommies to stop competing with each other and just be the imperfect awesome parents that they were meant to be. "Simple" was my motto. Finding your purpose as a wife and mother and letting that be your guide as opposed to "Susie Homemaker" next door who is killing herself trying to appear like the perfect parent. She is not your guide. Your purpose is your guide!
    Love this post. So real and so true! Thanks for sharing!

    1. Aah, THANK YOU!

      I'm definitely NOT Supermom and for once, I'm OK with that. Kudos to the ladies that DO do it all and manage to not go crazy in the process! It's just not me.

      You are SO right - finding purpose in MY life is what has helped guide me!!

      I appreciate the comment so much & thank you for reading, Katie!!

  3. Love your honesty and I think we could be friends =) At the very least, I know I'm going to enjoy your blog and your honesty. And someday soon, I'll get back to that honesty I had when I first started my blog.

    Stopping by from Sunshine and a Summer Breeze's hop!

    1. Thank you! I'm about to hop on over and check yours out and return the favor!! :)

    2. AND, I look forward to getting to know you better! New friends are the best. ;)

  4. I think you and I would be best friends in real life. We have a lot in common! :)

    New follower!

    1. Haha, thanks! Well, I am ALWAYS up for adding new best friends. :) Just went & followed back!

  5.'re good at this (scratch that - GREAT at this) because you're you. And your husband does more around the house because he gets laid more ;) Chicken/egg...don't over-think it - just know you're doing it right. Love you, kiddo.

    1. I love your comments, Karen! They always make me feel so much better, seriously. Love you back!

  6. I cannot put into words how much i love this! Amazing blog post! You're an awesome woman, mommy and wife! Totally loving getting to know you through blogging:)

    1. Aah, thank you! Your blog is one that I follow and can ALWAYS relate to! I'm thinking we could totally be besties IRL. :)

  7. Marissa, I will of course follow & support you, we were belly buddies for years lol literally had 2 of our kiddos basically at the same time & kept each other company though the lovely world of "myspace" haha facebook wasnt the "it" page back then. Ive always thought your an amazing mom & awesome person & a great friend. We are so much a like & i cant truly say i enjoy reading your posts, looking through your photos and seeing those precious babies I would miss all of that if you went away for sure. Love ya girl

    1. Thank you SO much, girly! Seriously! We have known each other via social networks for a crazy long time. You were there when I was a new mom and wife and you are an awesome friend!
      Love ya, Lee Ann! <3

  8. I absolutely love your sincerity and honesty - what an awesome post. Makes me want to so a similar post just to be able to define to myself who I am. So glad to have connected to your blog. You sound amazing!

    1. Seriously, Carol, a MILLION thank yous! You should totally do a 'This is Me' type post! It feels good to just write it all down. I don't care if you're 25 or 45, sometimes who YOU are gets lost. Write it down and remember or find out who YOU are.

      Thanks for reading!

  9. Hey Marissa,

    I absolutely love your post. You have showed case the real YOU beautifully.(: Also you just posted this on Saturday, how in the world did you get so many followers? I have just started blogging last week so this is all new to me. Anyway thanks for introducing us to the "beautiful you"!((:

    1. Thank you! I appreciate that more than you know!!

      I've been blogging for about three weeks now, I believe, so the followers weren't all gained in a few days or anything! But, how I gained most followers were through Blog Hops & Twitter! And, just being an active blog reader - give other blogs that you enjoy reading some "love" by following/commenting/sharing their posts & it usually makes them want to return that love!

      Thank you so much for stopping by and commenting and following! I went to look for your blog, but when I go to your profile, it doesn't show me any links! I'd love to follow you back!

    2. Awww thanks girl! I appreciate that! I guess I should have left you with my link.(: It's

      Also is it normal to be embarrassed to tell people about checking out your blog at first cause I am. ):

    3. I just went to it and it says Permission Denied because it's set to 'invited readers only'!

      And YES! I still feel a little silly trying to pimp out my blog to everyone! Lol. A good "easy" way to do it without overdoing it is signing every comment like this:

      -Shana @

      That way you're just signing "your name" but also throwing your link out there! :)

  10. Wow I like that thanks.(:

    I wonder why you couldn't cause Chantel was able to do it. I'll check my settings.(:

    1. Idk! I just tried again & it's sending me to the same page! I'll try to manually add you to my dashboard and see what it does!

  11. THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every BIT of it.... I can't stress it enough! I almost started crying when I read it.... From beginning to end that is so me..... I don't know how I came across your page but I'm glad I did! New Follower:-)

    1. Aah! Don't cry, you'll make ME cry! I'm so glad that someone can relate so much!!! Thank you for following and reading, girly!

      Just checked out and followed you back!!