"Judging a person does not define who they are. It defines who you are."
"What other people think of you is not your business. If you start to make that business your business, you will be offended for the rest of your life."
"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches."
Dita Von Teese
I hate being a slave to my desperate need to please everyone.
Don't cuss, because then So&So will judge me and not like me.
Don't post certain things because So&So may think it's about them and not want to be my friend anymore or So&So may see something I posted and think I'm a bad person/mother.
Don't do this because So&So said something about it first and then that means I'm copying.
Don't admit to ever having a fight with your husband, because then everyone will think/assume you're in a failing marriage.
Don't talk to So&So because So&So doesn't like him/her and if they see it, they won't want to be my friend anymore.
Don't be yourself, because then no one will like you.
Whatever I say or do is judged, I feel. It's draining, to think about that constantly. It's caused me to try to maintain a perfect image by choosing to share only the happy, seemingly perfect times with social media. That doesn't stop it from happening, though, because then some people think I'm fake.
I've been hurt by outrageous lies that were said about every aspect of my life. I was horrified and angry when I found out. But, then I thought, how many people have I hurt by saying/doing something similar? I've judged people, too. I'm guilty of lying about someone that I don't like or that I was jealous of at the time. I'm guilty of making slighted judgments against people for no other reason than just because they weren't like me. How would those people feel if they found out everything I had ever said about them?
What gives me the right to do those things and then be surprised when it happens to me? I tried to justify those things by saying, Well, what I said wasn't as bad as what So&So said about me. Or I know they're doing it, so it's just me getting them back. Or, my favorite, I'm not talking shit. I'm just venting.
I decided about five months ago that the person I had become inside wasn't a person that I was proud of. The false judgments made about my life had hurt, deeply. Made me feel even more insecure. But, it also made me look at the things that I had said or done against people. It never made me feel better to judge someone or say mean things about them. As a matter of fact, it made me feel worse.
After a long, hard self-examination, I turned to the one person I can count on to be a listening, non-judgmental ear with good advice: my husband. We talked, I cried, he comforted. I came to one simple, yet way easier-said-than-done solution: change.
Don't like the type of friendship you have with certain people? Change it or remove it entirely. Don't like how it feels to do to others the same thing that's been done to you? Then stop. Want to truly feel better about yourself? Stop caring what everyone else thinks of you.
It all sounds easy. It should be easy. But, it hasn't been. I've slipped up. I've felt like I've failed myself. I'm constantly reminding myself that I'm only human. I've learned to never say or do something that I wouldn't want to be confronted with.
That's not to say that I never say anything negative about anyone. I do. I'm outspoken and opinionated, so it happens. The only difference is that I choose my words carefully, I don't say something just for the sake of being mean. And, like I wrote above - I don't say anything about anyone that I would be ashamed or afraid to be confronted with. I don't have anything to hide anymore.
I've decided to just be myself. No one else. No competitions. No sugar coating. I am who I am.
I do cuss more than I should. I post whatever I like. I'm confident that I'm a good mother, so if there's something you see or have heard that makes you think otherwise, then whatever. My kids are loved and well taken care of. I do what I want for myself - if someone has done it before me, then who gives a crap. My husband and I fight, but we always make up and anyone that actually knows us, knows our marriage is anything but failing. I talk to whoever I want and I don't let anyone in my life dictate who I'm friends with.
I'm proud to say that I have a lot of great friends in my life. I've repaired broken friendships that I felt were worth the effort. I've made new friends. I've become a better friend myself.
So, if you don't like me , then you're stupid. Because I'm awesome. And I plan on winning the lottery at some point in my life and you're totally going to miss out on my friend donations. So screw you.